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"A loved one is of utmost importance at this time." (My fortune cookie message after writing my post last night.)

So, I don't know what was going on around 11:45ish this morning...but, yeah.

God must have seriously sparked something in someone, or more than just one person, 'cause something clicked on inside of me. I don't want to give in to the numbness; I want to fight. Apparently at this moment in time God doesn't see fit to letting me be destructive with my life. PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!

The entire time I would sit and evaluate what was going on inside me I kept thinking, "I really don't want to do this...so why am I? If I don't want to go down this path away from God, then why am I not fighting?"

He literally smacked me in the head...out of the blue. I was watching a What Not To Wear rerun on TLC and it just hit me. I really don't want this, and I really want to fight to stay away.

So, to any and all of you who jumped on that moment to pray for me at that moment in time when God said, "Hey...I need you to do something for me. I need you to pray for Ali B." DUDE! Thank you for your obedience to Him!

The End.

P.s. and BTW: I am definitely still gonna be needing some prayers over the next who knows how long. No tellin' how long it'll take to be completely out of this pit.

Here We Go Again

"Misdemeanors weren't cuttin' it for me anymore."

So... Ever been afraid to find out what would happen if God let you have what you "want" (even though you know that something isn't what you really want, you're just bored).

Yeah, I'm kind of there now.

I am a bit scared of the whole what could happen to me if He let me go and just let me be destructive... And then, there is that retarded human side of me that is like, "Let's do this. Let's see how far we can go."

Yeah, that side scares me too...

As much as I'm scared, its like I don't care. Its like I want it to happen. I don't know what's going on inside of me. I'm slowly losing to the numbness of anti-fighting, again.

I want to be saved from it, but not enough...you know?

I don't know how or when this happened. I realized it the other day.

Whatever You Do, Don't Look Down...

"I need to change the way I look at all I look at." - Soak It Up, Warren Barfield

One day last week I actually woke up early enough to go and walk/run on the Vulcan Trail up behind the apt. -- very proud of myself for not sleeping the day away. Anyway. If I go by myself I usually take my pPod (iPod) and listen to music while exercising. This day I couldn't find my ear phones so I was stuck without music. A sad time indeed for me because I absolutely l-o-v-e me some music... So, I head up to the trail and take off on my routine of jogging a quarter mile, walking a quarter mile, and so on. So, I finish walking my third quarter of a mile and am about to start jogging again when a voice tells me to keep walking. So, I did. I kept walking. It was so amazing! I spent the following mile talking to God and soaking up all His beautiful creation that was around me! I noticed things on the trail that I'd not noticed before and I've been going up to this trail for a little over two months now. It was, literally, a breath of freash air to me. After walking a while I was coming back up the hill and the same voice I had heard earlier told me to run again. So, I did. I began to jog. Not only did I jog, I was flying. By flying I do not mean I was running really fast, I mean flying. I was soaring. Okay, maybe not up off the ground, but the rush I had was amazing. The moment I felt myself fly I almost began to cry it was so amazing (man, I really am at a lack of a better word...oh well.)!

The entire time I was walking two songs kept running through my head, mainly one or two lines of each song. 1) "And soak it up every little bit I can..." (Soak It Up, Warren Barfield) and 2) "So everything is beautiful even when the tears are falling, I don't need a miracle to believe. Even in the crashing down, I can hear redemption calling, and everything is beautiful to me." (Everything Is Beautiful, Starfield)

Also, whilst all this is going on inside, and outside, of me..., every time I would look down at the ground where I was walking a voice would say, "Don't look down. Look up. Eyes forward."

When I finished and went back home, I sat on the front porch of the apt. and had a little quiet time with God. I've been reading two Psalms and a Proverb lately, and the ones for that day -- and how cool is this -- were Ps. 23, 24 and Pr. 14. Psalm 23! After all that on the trail Psalm 23 was the first thing I read!

"Don't look down. Look up. Eyes forward." ... "The LORD is my shepherd..."

DUDE! Seriously.

God, help me to keep from looking down. If I am looking down then that means I am not looking at You. If I am not looking at You, then, I will fall. I have to look at You. Keep my gaze. I don't want to be a disappointment to You anymore.

The End.

One Time Is A Tendency!

I have to divulge 7 random facts/habits about myself and then tag 7 more people to do the same.

Let the embarrasement begin:

1. I have to eat my M&Ms in twos...and by color (least amount first and then save the blues and reds for last).

2. The clothes hanging in my closet are arranged in ROY G. BIV order from left to right.

3. I am an absolute Harry Potter fanfic freak... hahaha! (And yes, I have written one or more...)

4. I can mimick the voices of Isma (sp?) from The Emperor's New Groove and Bobby Hill, from King of the Hill...really well.

5. If ever I eat corned beef and hash, I have to eat applesauce as well. When I was really little and attending daycare, they always served that together...

6. I am the first grandchild (including great's and great-great's) on my mother's side of the family to have graduated high school; only one to have attended and graduated from a 2-4 yr. college.

7. When I talk to myself (HEY! We ALL do it!), I speak in second person.

Now that you've finished psycho-analyzing that...I now tag: nobody. I don't even think I have seven people listed on here... hahaha!

The End.