"The Journey Starts Now."

"...because I refuse to be in this place any longer."

Hello children! It has been forever and a day long time since I've posted...and boy, do I ever have a happy-so-very-happy post for you... You ready? 'Cause here we go.

I had been talking on the phone with a friend a week or so ago, and was asked if I had been spending any time with God lately/regular basis. I told them that, no, I wasn't because I would think about it and then become side-tracked with something else (very typical). And the response I got was, "You've got to make time. You've got to do it."

Sept. 19, 2007: I have finished taking a shower and am getting ready to go to lunch with a friend of mine, and I looked out the open window in the bathroom and thought, "I should go sit on the deck and spend some time with God...right now." I felt as if something were calling me outside. So, I did. I got outside and sat on the swing, placed my Bible, pen and notebook in my lap and just looked around and enjoyed the beautiful weather. Inside my head I asked God to show me/tell me what He needed me to hear right then and for this time in my life. For some reason, while I was still talking to Him, the passage of John 14 flashed in my mind. So, in response I wrote it down and told God that if that was just something I made up and it wasn't really what He wanted me to read to let me know. No other passage came to mind, so...I read it.

If you love me, you will obey what I command.... Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him (vv. 15 and 21).

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it (vv. 13-14).

After reading and highlighting those verses, I wrote notes to myself to find out what Christ's commandments to his disciples (and to us) were and begin to apply them to my life and obey Him and also to search within my heart and pray that my True desires would be surfaced so that I wasn't asking for petty things; I wanted Truth.

Later that evening I started reading Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. It is, for those of you living in a cave, the female version of Wild at Heart. And its main focus is on the female heart and its...you've guessed it, desire(s).


Sept. 20, 2007: I do the same thing as the day before. I take a break from getting ready for work and go sit on the swing on the back porch. Bible, pen and notebook in hand I sit and ask the same thing I did the previous day, "God, show me what You need me to hear/know."

John 13 and 15.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.... Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me (15:1-2, 4).

Both chapters talked about the commands Christ gave to the disciples: love (13:34; 15:12-13, 17).


I didn't go back out to the back porch again until the 26th, and when I did I asked God the same thing and then wrote a note for myself that said, "What are your heart's TRUE desires? Find them. You HAVE to..."

I was given Romans 8.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what the nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of a sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God (vv.5-8).

I then asked God to help me sort through my passions/desires/longings. I asked Him to help me to separate what is a sinful desire and what is a Spirit desire. I need Him to show me what I need.


Sept. 28, 2007: I sit outside. I have my Bible, my pen and my notebook. I ask God the same thing.

Jeremiah 29. I am a bit skeptical about this passage because I know I've seen it used in Captivating, and I think that may have something to do with it.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD (vv. 13-14a).

It is the same verse they used in Captivating. I am pretty sure it is being repeated to me for a reason...especially when I am wanting to seek God and get back to a healthy and stable relationship with Him.

Jeremiah wasn't enough for me. I was beginning to crave more, especially since I had noticed a pattern with desire, but I didn't see the word desire mentioned in Jer. 29. I asked for more.

James 4.

The word desire is mentioned in James 4:1!

You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures (vv. 2c-3).

The next thing I asked God was what He would have me ask of Him. What desire would He have surface in my heart, what True desire, that I should call upon Him to grant me to have.


So, the question I now ask is: HOW FREAKIN' AMAZING AND AWESOME IS GOD?!?!? SERIOUSLY!!!

I mean,...

Speechless. I got nothing.